"So How Bad at Math ARE You Guys?"

Okay, nobody's actually been rude enough to ask that question directly. But I see it in their eyes (at least the eyes of the ones who can add up) whenever I carelessly refer to the upcoming Rolling Darkness Revue extravaganzas as our Tenth Anniversary shows.

And their disdain is thoroughly justified. The RDR started in 2004. So, etymologically, we don't have a leg to stand on because 'anniversary' comes from 'annus'* which, as your classically educated friends will tell you, means 'year' and it's been eleven years, not ten, since then.

(*Get your mind out of the gutter, you appalling little degenerate. And learn to spell.)

Perhaps we're trying to skate by on a technicality: The 2004 shows didn't feature new stories and didn't have a tie-in chapbook, so maybe we're celebrating ten years of chapbooks. Well, that'd be fine, but the problem is, this year's chapbook is the ninth, not the tenth. Here, take a scroll down the entire run:

See? Nine, not ten. So if it's eleven years and nine chapbooks where the hell do we get 'tenth' from?* While I'd love to tell you it's all due to an anomaly in the space-time continuum ('cause wouldn't that be exciting?), the truth, sadly, is much more mundane. There was no RDR in 2011 and 2014. So 2015 marks the tenth time (if not year) that we've put the show up.

(*No, we didn't pull it out of our annuses, you sniggering perv.)

Hey, while we're traipsing down Memory Lane, here's a look at the very first show we did. 2004, at Dark Delicacies. Dennis was still with us and Glen and I, not yet smart enough to have roped in Jonas and Rex to provide the music, were doing it ourselves. I'm at the back, almost lost in the dry ice, complete with shaved head and trusty Telecaster and Glen's manning his Korg up front while Dennis reads.

Interestingly, though Jonas wasn't yet part of the Rolling Darkness Orchestra, it was he who snapped that atmospheric little pic. Man of many talents. Go check him out at jonasyip.com

Anyway, whether it's the ninth, tenth, or eleventh anniversary, it's next weekend -- Friday October 23rd and Saturday October 24th -- and we'd love to see any or all of you there.

The Missing Piece Theatre

2811 West Magnolia Boulevard,

Burbank, CA 91505

8:00 pm curtain

$12 admission (including free chapbook)

Cash on the night or PayPal at glenhirshberg.com/appearances

Keep That Darkness Rollin'

All aboard!

God knows how it happened, but apparently it's October already. Which means Halloween's just around the corner. Which means it must be time for Atkins & Hirshberg to put on their fancy hats and suspenders*, assume their secret identities as Algy Black and Artie Mack, and venture once more into the dark.

(*Relax, England. Doesn't mean what you think it means.)

It seems Burbank City Council couldn't get the restraining order together in time and that The Rolling Darkness Revue will in fact be back at the Missing Piece Theatre on Magnolia Boulevard the weekend before Halloween. Stories will be read. Schtick will be shamelessly schticked. Songs might even be sung.

Once more aiding and abetting Alge & Art in their latest shenanigans will be the great Kevin Gregg, the magnificent Jonas Yip & Rex Flowers and, making her second appearance with the Revue, that lovely chip off Glen's block, li'l miss Kate Hirshberg.

This is the paragraph where, for the sake of any new customers at the Atkins Bar & Grill, I should attempt to explain just what the hell the RDR is. But here's the thing, beloved and most welcome new customers, our regulars will get so bored if I do that again, that I'm going to ask instead that you cast your eye to the side of this column and, from the exhaustive list of labels you will find there, click on the one that says Rolling Darkness Revue and take a quick butcher's* at the relevant older posts that'll show up. All will become marginally less murky.

(*Sorry, America. Butcher's hook. Look.)

I should confirm though that, once again, our valued off-stage partners Paul Miller and Deena Warner have provided a beautiful chapbook that will be given free to all attendees of this year's show and will, in a couple of weeks time, be available at ridiculously low cost from Paul's yard -- www.earthlingpub.com -- for those unfortunates who live out of state. Deena's fantastic cover is framed within the show poster above, but let's give it its own well-deserved moment in the spotlight, shall we:

The Stella Noctis is slipping harbor. All ashore who's going ashore. The rest of you, welcome aboard. We're so glad you could join us on Die Reise der Toten*.

(*Apologies, sad mono-linguists. That's The Voyage of the Dead to you.)